Good-Bye 2019

I can't believe that this year is already over, it also occurred to me that tonight is the first night in a year that I have logged into this account or even written a blog post.

This has been a major big year of change for our family, and I honestly didn't have time for anything else but adjusting....

It has been a year of growth, change, and working through (and I am continuing) working through the hard stuff, at times it can be so disheartening and just plain sucky, but I am optimistic that our future will not be here forever, and that one day we will be surrounded by true nature and beauty again.

At the beginning of this year Nate resigned from his job as a firefighter because it was no longer serving our family or his physical well-being any more.  It was rough, he was never home, always tired, and it was just not worth it.  Instead he decided to go back to school full time, and serve as the youth pastor at out church.

Before this big change, I had already signed up and paid to go back to school - I figured almost 10 years into motherhood that it was about time that I finish up some school.  The kids are older, a little more self-sufficient and doesn't need me to hover at all times.  So that is what I did - I went back to school, and I finished well.... for once in the last 12 years I did something for myself and it felt amazing.

I also conquered some of my own health issues - and let me just say that it feels freaken amazing to take charge, and make changes, and see the long lasting results - I never ever want to go back to that place....

This year our whole little family made a few sacrifices to make it all happen, and workout. We didn't do a whole lot because we had a big trip planned to South Africa the week after I graduated from school, so we took the rest of the year slow, and mindfully, intentionally picking what was worth our time and what not. 

I think 2020 is going to be a good year - Nate will graduate at the end of this year with his Bachelors, and on to his masters, I am starting my Nutritional Therapy practice, we are hoping to start the slow and steady process of making plans to eventually move to somewhere that will better serve our family's needs, and Ian will be jumping into the double digits - say what!!!

I hardly took any pictures this year, and it has actually been pretty great to just sit back and enjoy every present moment.  One of my goals for 2020 is to do this more, and to have social media free weekends....

I have focused a lot of mindfulness, and it has been so freeing to release that you are not bound by this world, the stuff, or having to keep up with the neighbors.  You can just be you, now, in the moment, no more and no less.

** You can see 2014 here, 2015 here, 2016 here, 2017 here, 2018 here.

Here are a few documented parts of our 2019!
Enjoy!

April
Happy Easter!

May
Happy Mother's Day!

Happy
Happy birthday, Nate!

June
Happy Father's Day!

First day of school.  (fourth and second grade)

July
Happy Anniversary {11 years}

August
Happy birthday, Hayleigh!

 

Happy Birthday, Chantal!

September
Happy Birthday, Ian!

November
Hello South Africa
Cape Town.....

After 40+ years of service, my dad retired from the military - and it was such a beautiful event!

And of course some family time, it was a super short trip... and I miss them already!

December
Oh, Christmas Tree!

Hello, Santa!

Merry Christmas!

***

As always I love looking through all our pictures, and thinking about the year and everything that took place, all the stories, some tears and heartache, the happy parts - all of it is woven into our lives - teaching us and training us for what is next.

I am so happy to be done with school, and starting this next chapter of life - more school for Nate, growing my practice, and homeschooling my kids.  With a few adventures in between.

Good-bye 2019 - thank you for showing me that I can!

Hello 2020 - can't wait to see what you behold!

Happy new year from our little family, to yours

Good-Bye 2018

How on earth did this year fly by so fast?  Just like that another year done and over with.

I am so happy that since our much regretted move back to the United States, life over the last two years have gotten a little better, and I guess a lot of it has to do with being gratitude.

We have done well this year in exploring, improving our family life, and just find balance to cultivate what we want in this life

We are making some more major changes this year (more on that later - waiting on it to finalize,) but it occurred to me one day that no just magically have a happy life - they kind of create that happy life.  So at this end of this year Nate and I have decided that we need a few more changes, and we are patiently and excitedly waiting to see what will happen.

We have continued to separate ourselves from the things that creates unnecessary stress, the things that just doesn't fill us up but instead creates division and tension in our home.  This year I have learned the power of no, and that you know what? It is ok to say no to events, dinners out, a million activities.  This alone has been so amazing.

I tend to get overwhelmed easily, and I really don't like being out and about every single day of the week, I need home days - just to recuperate, tidy up, and be still.

We were able to do a lot of amazing things this year, and I am so grateful for all the opportunities and the growth that has taken place - some parts was much more intense and painful then others, but looking back it was necessary in the journey towards wholeheartedness.

Our future and 2019 looks so bright (it is frightening and exciting all in the same breath.)

My creative juices have been going for a few weeks now, and I am so excited for two big projects that are in the works.

Thank you 2018 for such a beautiful year, filled with so many adventures.

** You can see 2014 here, 2015 here, 2016 here, 2017 here.

Our 2018 in pictures.
Enjoy

Family Photos 2018

We took our annual family pictures before Thanksgiving - and I love doing it every year around the same time, just to see how much we all have changed in appearance.  For some reason it just ended up in November, even though I don't do Christmas cards anymore.

I was so thrilled when Kelsie messaged me that they will be in town again during this time, so it worked out perfect for them to take our pictures again.  I love her, like one day when I get my act together and  write a book or something, I want her to be the photographer.

We had such a fun time even though nothing went as planned.  For starters it never really gets super duper cold here in West Texas, so I planned our little outfits (and man where they going to be fun) when mother nature took a new course of her own, and the one day that we needed it to not be cold, it was the coldest day of the year, with a alarming cold wind chill and some snow flurries.

So we had to improvise on our outfits.  We met them at a near by park, and we lasted for maybe 10 minutes, exposed to the elements, we called it quits and decided to come to the house (which was a total wreck by the way) for a few photos at home.  We still had the guest room mattress in the living room from watching movies over the weekend with the kids, clothes all over the place in order to figure out what we will wear, and the kids toys all over the place.  Luckily Kelsie and Tyler were super gracious, and kind, and honestly I don't think they even cared that it was slightly messy.

I am so grateful for my people.  I have so so so much to be thankful for, but these three top the list - today and everyday!

** 📷: Keslie Hendricks Photography.

 **

Ian is EIGHT!

Eight years ago....

Eight years ago on a beautiful fall morning in Germany, I went into labor - knowing that my world is about to change for ever, but not really grasping the magnitude.

Hayleigh is SIX!

Six years ago...

 
Six years ago my girl came into this world with a force like no other.  From the moment that we locked eyes for the very first time, I knew that my world was about to become less controllable and more unexpected.

Ten Years

It feels like yesterday that I moved to the United States at the sweet age of 18, searching for adventure - and I ended up finding way more then I bargained for.

I met this guy, and I tried really really hard not to like him....  and also because his last name "Cook" and I thought that, that last named seemed as terribly boring as last names could come ;)

But he won me over and here we are all these years later...

Ten years ago...

We said I do in the most beautiful little rock chapel nestled at the foot of beautiful mountains.

📷: All wedding photos by Joan Claasen Photograpy.

Our anniversary was on Sunday (and in good ole EMS life Nate was on shift) so that night after the kids went to bed I pulled out our wedding dvd, with a bowl of my favorite ice-cream. I nestled into my favorite spot on the couch and pressed play - it was actually pretty hilarious a.) because I am so incredibly awkward when having to speak, and spend the majority of the time nervously giggling, b.) Nate was pretty immature and his hand was pretty much on my behind the entire time - ha c.) we were babies with baby faces and all... - we both look so much better with age -ha ;)

I still remember everything for that day...

How proud my dad walked me down the aisle.

The way that Nate looked at me.

How tightly he held my hand as we were coming back out.

It was such a beautiful, were I felt inspired to love even deeper - to have a love so deep that you could almost embrace it and touch. Our love became even more real.

***
So much has changed since then.... 

My ten minutes of getting ready that really took more like 30 minutes, is finally at about 12 minutes flat - it is a big deal trust me.

Sometimes we still argue about stuff (dumb stuff) but we both end up laughing about how ridiculous it is, and we are way less stubborn towards each other.

We are different in so many ways - but so similar in the things that really matters to us - like love, family, and where we want to be in a few years.

Ten years ago we walked down the skinny aisle in that rock chapel - with so many gigantic dreams - and most of them have come true...

These two...

family, love, healthy, true happiness in our togetherness - we are truly better together then apart.

We continue to dream together.

We know what each other better then we know ourselves, we know what matters the most to each of us, and we invest in that life crazy.

Our adventures are always crazy, with the most amazing stories, beautiful memories, and forever cherished moments.  We have invest a lot of time and effort into traveling and experiences places and cultures - with and without kids.  We have mastered the art of traveling over time, and I have a lot of favorites, but my most cherished?

The two of us, the year 2009.  Italy, 2 weeks, only public transportation, and we like to call it backpacking through Italy - but in reality it was more like wheeling two janky suitcases through the cobbled stone paths of Italy.  We laughed so much, had way to much wine, took so many pictures - but this one is my favorite - because not many people would be willing to take old school (like stretch out your arm with the camera and hope for the best) terrible quality selfies.

 We have improved our travel game quiet a bit since then.

Growing our family  has not stopped of from traveling one bit - our adventures just change, and the wine consumption decreased to accommodate ice cream - but I am so ok with that!

I don't doubt that a few curve balls will be thrown our way in the years to come (hell, we are being thrown with one right now) and I'll never claim to be any expert on any one this, because heaven knows we still have so very much to learn when it comes to married life.  But there is no one else I would rather spend this adventure with.

***

As we celebrate ten years of being married today, I just want to publicly express my sappy crazy feelings for my favorite man crush, because I still think he is super awesome, and I absolutely love being married to him, and I also kind of sort of love that my last name is "Cook" now, which my eighteen year old self would be shocked at.

The things is 

I like and love him - alot!

I think I'll keep him!

Happy ten years Nate, thank you for adventuring through life with me.  Being married to you is the single greatest joy of my life.

The ten happiest years of my life - hands down.

And here is too many more.

I love you something fierce!

xXx

Summer Time

Here lately I have been in the this weird funk - not completely unhappy but super overwhelmed with life in general, feeling like there is not enough hours in the day - stopping short of accomplishing anything at all.

I have felt this heavy weight upon my heart - every single time that I would open Facebook (which turned out be a lot) because it was just so negative, it brought me to the realization that we as a society have become so disconnected from each other. 

It also lead to me realize that I have became so disconnected from my own family (the people in my house,) that my biggest dreams are to be left alone completely - and if that is the thought process in a healthy home environment something has gone seriously awry.

I didn't spend time on social media for hours at one, but it would be a few minutes here and there, and truth be told that time adds up super quickly, and I started to realize what a time sucker it is, with the added bonus of becoming "mindless."

I left like it was sucking all the life out of me. Something as simple as taking a picture (that use to brought me tremendous joy) became an obsession for perfection - and well what is the fun in that?

So after much thought, I have decided to do an experiment of sorts.  A summer (maybe longer) without social media.  I have realized that that I have so many in the moment losses, because of having to "share" everything now and instantly.  I always long back to Germany, and this week it occurred to me that my longing is more for the simplicity of life we experience. First of we didn't have internet everywhere, we got iphones late in the game, and we enjoyed our trips in the moment and shared it later - we were present. It wasn't the constant American rush, everything being open 24/7, the instant gratification of wanting something now and getting it now.  So I have decided to take a break, to regroup, and to simply enjoy the finer things in life - to be fully present and aware of all the gifts around me, to fully absorb the last few years I have left with my kids (time flies,) to enjoy sunsets and sunrise, to be in my own stillness with Him, and to feel Him softly breath life into my soul, impromptu dinner dates with friends, summer travels, being connect to the people around me (even if I am bummed about my current location,) and reading the stack of books on my table, that I have been putting off.  Life is so short, and I choose to embrace the beauty of it, living in my now.

I actually thought it would be much harder, but I have been pretty much off for two-ish weeks, and I feel so relieved, I can't wait to see what daily gifts I find in my present, in my now.  It is kind of crazy all the things I have accomplished, more time with the kids, I finished up a house project, spend every afternoon outside in the sunshine, ready two and a half books, and made the most delicious food -all this with time to spare.

***
We set up our little pool for last year a couple of weeks ago, and the kids love it.  But in just one year they have pretty much outgrown it.  So Nate got a super awesome steal on a huge pool, big enough for all of us to enjoy.  We spent time prepping the area, and leveling the ground....

Well it finally came, it took a day to put it all together and to set it up, and we have been enjoying it every single day every since.  It is so fabulous to float around, watch the kids swim and play, and to get in there with them.  It is our highlight of every day, and I am pretty certain they would want to sleep in the pool, if we could do that.

We have also invested into a hammock, so when we aren't floating in the pool, we are relaxing in the hammock with a cup of homemade lemonade.  This is a life, a gift - embracing where you are.

The other day the kids painted these bird houses for our one big mulberry tree.  For the first time since being here with have life in our garden, a resident bluejay in the backyard and a little robin family in the front yard.  They speak so much life to me.

I also win the bad mom award because Hayleigh got this little fairy garden for Christmas, and I have been putting it off and off - mostly because I was selfishly serving myself, being disconnected from my now.

We pulled out the box, dusted it off, and we had the best time putting it together, I always wait to long, lingering in the dread of having to do anything, and it always turns out so fantastic, that I have no idea why I put it off for so long.

I finally finished up this project (I forgot to take a before picture) but this little cabinet was this green color, and it didn't really fit with the dining room, so a little face-lift was in order.

I made a conscious effort to have a friend over for cheesecake - just to hang out, and talk, and laugh.  To cultivate this beautiful friendship we have.

We have also enjoyed some pretty tasty food.

 I am so excited for the rest of summer - my goal - to be present over perfect.

I have so much going on in my mind and my soul, so much to process, and hopefully as I am working through it, I will be able to write it out.

I am thankful for this chance, for the fact that when I wasn't completely satisfied with where our life was heading (meaning our contentedness) I am able to remake it - we don't get to redo all this time, but a remake is just what we need.

I will write here as I have time, when it doesn't interfere with my time with the kids, aka after they go to bed if I am not to tired.

This is a journey that I am excited for.

Happy Summer, friends!