I think everyone knows what a huge impact simply slowing down makes in our every day lives, but then again we are so set in our ways and routines that is really difficult to stop - we tend to go go go and scroll scroll scroll endless through social media - and for what?
This is the extend of my craziness - I am a list person (I am an awesome list maker) for the things that I want to or need to do for the week - perfectly written in bold colors - each day perfectly plan - so instead of sticking to the list for the specific day, and doing those task and then have down time, I decided well if I do tomorrow's list as well I will be completely off tomorrow - can you see where this is going? And on to the next day and the next day, and before I know it I am left exhausted and irritated.
Finding calm, and peace in world consumed by social media is so hard. The mind numbing scrolling that actually just makes you feel empty and discontent with your own gracious life.
I have been challenging myself to take it slower, to have more grace, and to fill myself up. Instead of mindless scrolling through instagram in my afternoon slump, I have been reading this amazing book in the afternoons, or sometimes I just snuggle the kids on the couch, or read to them, or I write on here, or I take pictures of random things in the house - and it has been so refreshing.
Before we moved here I always felt that I had a pretty good grasp on living life to live it, but over time I have fallen into this ditch of complete discontentment, and frustration because this isn't really the life that I have envisioned for us - somewhere along the way our exceptions where burned, and we have had to figure out this new reality - that is everything but sunshine and roses. Relationships are complicated and stressful - I am not very good at handling either.
Sometimes life seems simpler when I am away from my phone - but then again I life so far from my family that I so enjoy documenting our life and sharing it with them. But most of the time I just want to hide everything because in my real life and real in person relationships it seems to be a tool to create havoc and heartache, and for what - I don't know the answer to that.
All I know that in this moment right now, I am fighting to find my calm, to find my one thousands gifts in our a little brick house, and to live this life, and to live it well.
I want this calm to be the forefront of my every day thoughts and actions, and to just grasp these million small moments that seem to slip by rather quickly.
Living in Andrews, seem to be a constant challenge of what will you make of this? And honestly most of the time I just want to through in the white flag and give up, because I am so tired of all the false hope, I personally don't feel like there will be an abundant life here - maybe an abundance of drama but that is about it.
No normal human being should be stressed out about the holidays almost two to three months before hand because work schedules conflict, and how will we make everyone else happy just avoid said conflict or hurt feelings, or even the expectation of "well this is what we use to do as kids, so our kids should do it too."
This season of life is dragging - my internal conflicts, and these circumstances I find myself in.
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We do have some exciting things going on in the next couple of weeks and months - I love having something to look forward to.
We are going home at the beginning of next year, and I so can't wait to see my family. I never really appreciated how awesome they were and still are, until I got tossed into the deep end (the very very very very deep end). Let's just say I am so thankful for them, and it makes our time so much sweeter.
The kids and I will leave a few weeks before Nate, and then he will join us for a few weeks. My kids are already packing - ha! I feel their pain!
We also finished up the first grade today - and I am so proud of Ian, he worked so hard, and he never gave up, and finished it off like champ. I am so excited that we actually did it, and that it was such a blast.
To celebrate we are going on a little overnight trip this week, to just be together and get out there, and soak up fall (just like old time.) We also seem to thrive more when we explore and adventure. I am sure this will get me out of this Monday slump.
Here is some Monday cheer - at least it seems to cheer me up - nothing like fresh blooms.
Happy Monday!
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