This week we mourn the death of our beloved pastor's wife Phyllis. It is still surreal to me, and thought I have only really known her for about six months, this lady has left a huge imprint on my heart and I will forever be grateful. for our short time together.
I have heard a million stories about Phyllis, and how she is not the typical pastor's wife, and I have to agree with that, she was perfectly imperfect, and had no shame about it, there were no pretense, no I am going to pretend that I am perfect, she was real, straight forward, and she knew how to make you blush.
I will forever be grateful for her kindness, grace, and love towards me in the last six months. This transition and move has been the hardest transition in my life, and I will always cherish how she would invite the kids and I over, and offer me a killer cup of tea (she knew the way to my heart) and how she would listen to ramble about this and that, she would just listen, to the point where you feel comfortable, and there is no condemnation, and in that save moment you can share you heart, the raw beauty of being human. Her grace and compassion were tender, and breathtaking.
I hate how it feels like people assume, I don't care "you only knew her for six months," well the fact is, I do care, I am not heartless, and I am not cold. I might be quiet, and private, and might not spill my guts to every person, but his lady won a piece of my heart, and a piece of my trust, and so with that I did love her and I am going to miss her like crazy.
I am going to miss waiting on Sunday for her to walk into the church, and seeing her funky new hair color, or bright colored lipstick, or her spunky outfit. She had a fierce love for the Lord, and his people. And I chose to remember these beautiful moments of our short time together.
I hope one day to have that kind of grace, compassion, kindness, forgiveness, and love. I hope to one day be ok with the fact that I am perfectly imperfect.
I love you Phyllis, and I will miss you so much. I know you are in a much better place, no pain, no more sickness, and no more fighting for life. You were beautiful inside and out. Thank you for your kindness and acceptance.
I can't wait for our next cup of tea together, so save me a cup and my favorite blend :)
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| Phyllis, Ian, and Larry. (2011) |
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The kids and I have been trying to be distracted, and just keeping busy. We were just kind of home the first little bit of the week, trying to process everything, and deal with some other emotions.
We dived into little book collection (that have grown since we first got here) and spend the morning reading, and reading, and reading. Ok, we are bookworms, we love reading.
We enjoyed some sunshine at the park. Well then the weather turned to windy and cold, so the kids and I retreated to our house, to strip it down some more. I am on the last floor (the kitchen, and let us just say it is not joke) - may a suggest something. if you own a house and decide to upgrade, please consider other people and strip things down and then upgrade, don't just cake layer onto layer - thanks no that I have that off my chest. Let's just say having to chisel away a floor, is time consuming, and annoying, but also very therapeutic when you are emotional/
The kids have thankfully learned our little routine, and have become accustomed to what happens when we go to the house. We are hard, and we play hard, I am surprised at how helpful the actually are. The love picking up the floor pieces and throwing it away. Sometimes they need a break and the retreat somewhere else and play with pennies that we have discovered all over the house. It is preciously special to watch them bond, and this chapter of our live.
There is lots of progress on the bathroom, and I can't wait to see it when it is all said and done, as well as our closet expansion.
Some tender sweet moments happen when we go the house to work, and it is just the four of us. The kids open up, and tell us how excited they are for their own house, and how they can't wait to see our furniture, and I love how we dream together, and that special and precious memories is already being made.
Hayleigh is my snuggler, and she loves being held and snuggled all day long. They other night we were working a little later then usual, and she kind of had enough and wanted to be held, we were almost done, so I asked her is she could wait a minute. Well all of a sudden Ian walked over and said, "come sister, let me hold you." Here is that sweet moment - I won't lie, I totally teared up!
One day we are going to remember these beautiful moments, when it looked a little grim, and the amount of work feels overwhelming, but the fact that we get to do this as a family, and that the kids can be apart of it, makes it a little easier. This feels like home already, the memories are beginning, and I am tucking them away safely.
Something beautiful is unfolding before our eyes, our very own space, all the hard work, sweat and tears that have been poured into it is going to make it even more worthwhile. Once we are in - I never want to leave, and I might lock myself away for a month, just to bask in my own privacy and a sense of belonging.
We are hoping to strip down the last little bit (ceiling fans, plug covers, etc), texture the ceiling, and starting to paint. The floors, and carpet will be ordered tonight. And then we are off to the kitchen and the cabinets.
Say a little prayer for us, since it can call become so overwhelming so quickly!
Happy Friday!
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