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Here I am at the end of a beautiful first birthday for Hayleigh, still taking in all in. I am still so in awe at the beauty of my daughter and the beautiful live God has entrusted me with. I can't believe it has been a year already, a wonderful year, in fact is has been one of the best years of my life. I am sitting here going back to one year ago, when my girl came into the world.
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Our day started like all our days lately, trying to patient and wait for our sweet baby girl to make her grand appearance. Just like the days before I would get up in the morning, exam my beautiful and huge pregnant belly in the mirror, and tell Nate and Ian, well I think today is the day, the difference today really was the day.
We have been traveling back and forth to the hospital for days, for every day monitoring [my babies would like to stay in womb forever] since I was 42 weeks pregnant. I have been having a hard time, with no signs of labor, and signs that my amniotic fluid was decreasing, that made me go into panic mode, since I am not a fan of being induced, and I was so torn between all the thoughts that ran through my head.
We got our stuff together, hospital bags in tow and off we went to go and get monitored again, and decide what to do. Little Ian in tow, the one day we had a back up plan besides him being in the delivery room.
We made it to the hospital and were greeted by the sweet midwives, I was hooked up to the monitor, listening to the beautiful stead heart beat of my daughter yearning to see her face, to trace her sweet eyebrow with my finger, and to just stare and examine every single feature of her face. Ian was such a champ, playing cars or my belly, and babbling to the sound of her heart beat. We finally got done with the monitoring and it was time for a sonogram, I was so nervous, since I knew my amniotic fluid was decreasing...
After much consideration, and talking with my doctor and midwife, I went a head and got induced with a homeopathic gel. The doctor made sure I knew that it will most likely take a few hours to days, since it will only make your body response when it is ready to give birth.
I went about my day at the hospital not thinking much of it. Nate took Ian to lunch, they played in the park and drove around for a while so the little man could take a nap. I enjoyed the time by myself going into labor slowly, but not really realizing. I sat in the sun room of the mother baby ward, and read my book, picked at my lunch [to nervous to eat] and texting my mom all the way in South Africa. My room was finally ready, and I was ready to just lay down for a minute as the contractions started to become more steady.
I was in the room by myself dreaming about having my little girl, adding another life to our family, and how much I love this little person that I have not even met yet. I was trying to distract myself for the contractions,a and the steadiness, and I felt it was happening so soon and fast, and it was completely different from Ian's labor.
Nate and Ian finally came back so I could kiss Ian good night, and he could go home to hang out with my friend and her boys, nothing like a slumber party with almost 2 year old. I realized something felt off, and that the pain was really increasing, and that I wanted to go and get monitored again, since I was feeling restless, and something was happening. I told Nate to just hang out in the sun room and let Ian play with the Legos, I will be back in 20 minutes, Off to labor and delivery I went......
I went into the get checked, and to in all honesty sign the paper for an epidural, since I didn't think I could make it all night long with such intense pain [I had Ian all natural no drugs nothing] and this hurt 20 times more, the midwife hooked me up to the monitor, and gave me the paper to fill in, I was shaking as I tried to sign my name and read through the paper, as she left with my paper, I felt a pop in my stomach, and water started flowing, and in that moment I knew that my daughter is going to be born today.
I called for the midwife, excited and panic stricken all at the same time, I told her what happen, through all the tears and emotions. She calmed me down and told me that is is good thing, and that I am at an 8 already, and we are going to start getting the room ready, to start pushing. I realized that Nate had no idea what was going on, he was hanging out in the other room, I also realized that I went to get monitored with my book and water bottle, so I needed a the camera. The midwife called Nate, so in he came with Ian.
I was frantically trying to call my friend to come and get Ian since Nate couldn't leave, when the midwife informed me we no longer have time for it, and that I will have to start pushing soon. At this point as I was begging for an epidural, and I was told it is to late, but I kept begging and my sweet doctor Mader came to my rescue, in all the reality the epidural didn't really work properly as I still felt every thing, but I think in my head it made it better.
After about 30 minutes of pushing [with Ian playing cars on the birthing bed and chair], I felt her slippery little body slide out, and in that moment emotions flooded me like never before, she was here, my baby girl has made her beautiful appearance into the world.
Within seconds they placed her on my chest, and I was just dumbfounded by her beauty and her perfectness. I stared into her little eyes, and all I could see and feel was pure love overflowing. I couldn't take my eyes of her, and all I kept saying to her was "hi baby, I love you, I am so happy you are finally here." She just looked around while holding onto my finger, and all I could do was cry happy tears and thank God for blessing us with another child.
We got everyone cleaned up, and then we had to stay in labor and delivery for an hour to make sure everyone was good to good. My sweet Ian crawled on the bed with me and was in awe of his new sister, he kept telling me "baby, baby, baby," and he would gently caress her head, kiss her cheek, and hold her hand. He fell in love with her the minute she was born, and it made perfect sense to him that she is part of the family, that he is still part of the family as well, and he was part of sister coming into the world. Till this day I believe that him being there the moment she was born has impacted him in more than one way. I am so happy that we all shared in the special day, and looking back I would not have it any other way!
I spend the evening alone with Hayleigh Elizabeth, as Nate took Ian home for the Nate. I was so emotional that first night, so full of joy but so overwhelmed, it soon passed as soon as my sweet girl snuggled close to me and went to sleep, peace just came over me and I knew in that moment, that I am so blessed to have the privilege to be called mama.
One year later all I can say is how beautiful the last year as been, I can't believe all the changes and growth that has taken place, and I am beyond happy and blessed with my sweet gifts from God. I have learned so much as a mother, but there is more room for growth.
I would not trade staying home with my babies for anything, this is the career I want, a career in the making, and I am beyond happy.
Thank you for teaching me how to love more, and life bigger.
Happy first birthday, Hayleigh Elizabeth, I love you forever and always!
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